Comfort.

As much as we deny things we don't particularly like, and yet we have had an attachment previously, we will never be able to let go of it. Ever. Your grasps of understandings will be less, and yet your grip just won't loosen up.

It's like, whatever there is to believe in so that you can defy your past, you won't let go. It's also funny that I'm writing this from another's perspective, and not mine. I guess I will never understand the deepest most personal emotions of one-self, and yet they will emit that vibrant subconsciously and, invisibly, release their inner-self slowly.

You know those butterflies that flutters when you're around that particular someone. You know that out-of-habit behaviour you do after a harsh day, not knowing what is normal, temporarily. You know when you've just finished school, and you have no idea what to do for a week, because school was a constant habit for a year.

After a while, these new things, become very usual. That butterfly? You know how to control it. That behaviour? You reversed back to normal the next day. After two weeks, you've reverted your sleeping schedules and routine to slack and laziness.

After a set period of time, you will be conscious of that little habit you left behind, and you would convince yourself as having very used to it. But no. You will always, always, revert back to your old self.
To put it bluntly; You are being you on a normal day then a particular object, or even a significant person, came along. This situation doesn't include any nostalgia nor anything that would be the upbringing of memories, but suddenly you're clear. You can think clearly, you can act even more normal, or back to your original, than normal. That the presence of someone, can be a trigger for you to finally find your way back within yourself.

Surreal realisation

As an observant of people, I get used to getting to know how other people feel towards others or things. It takes a while to understand the clockwork in such peculiar behaviours. I never got the hang of how I manage to understand a lot of these things until recently. I mean the world has held billions and billions of beings, each having their own single purpose and that not every one is the same.

A scientist who earns to research about plants and it's system will experiment with a real-living and breathing subject, in this case a real plant. He will also would want to reproduce the like in such a manner that he can use it as an innovation, in this case he will invent something artificial that will work like plants but are not real plants. This may be because he wants to know how the nature works without deceasing factors.

A car racer would test his driving on a simulator, or say he tried a new manoeuvre that might be fatal to his car, he would test this on a simulator to be sure that it is safe and won't go wrong and kill someone off.

The point isn't comparing an observant to any professional jobs like the ever-so-supported scientists and racers. The reason in the comparison is that their steps to achieve a successful result is by comparing a natural subject by an artificial subject. In the racer's case his idealism was the natural subject and the simulator as the artificial.

Seeing another person in another light, or any other person in general, isn't an easy feat, considering that one person can generate thousands of possibilities that can change the world in a  thousand different ways, literally. To reach to an agreement level we need to know what they are capable of in generating the possibilities around them. Like the scientist, he cannot understand the nature first hand, but rather by hypothesis-es made in the past and what plants have done through observation.

Okay no, we're not talking about how many possibilities people have, but how observations takes place. Unconsciously, an observant would imitate their subject in a way that they are virtually in their position, but still have that overall mindset of themselves. I wasn't aware of this at all, I just thought that being able to think like others was a plus. I thought this was normal.

I realised that what have kept me going and moving in the tidal motion was the numerous emotions and situations that people are in, in which I also simulate within my own reality to understand the differences in the world that is orbiting around us.

Now then, as a personal recall, it was a simple interval between breathing. It was no biggie, but I realised that it was a controlled breathing. Naturally we breathe involuntarily, unlike the heart beating, we can stop breathing instantly. I mean it is normal human instinct to be conscious of their breathing when someone points it out, but this was different. And then the thought struck me, it wasn't me being cautious about my breathing or the subject, but it was me asking 'why is he/she controlling his/her breathing?'. Ten the brainstorm came, conclusions emerged, and no definite answer appeared.

Disappearances

I stumbled upon this phrase in a book;

"Possibly it had occurred to him that the colossal significance of that light had now vanished forever."

I don't know how to start this, but it's just that oh I don't know. I know for a fact that I'm someone who longs for a lot of things. I also know for a fact that what I tend to long for are things that would really be very very precious to me. But of course, some longings gnaws more than others.

There are instances where I want things to happen like; know someone better, meet someone, write something or draw something. But these things are temporary. They tend to happen, and then go away as it is done.
Let me go off topic for a bit, this phrase basically means that, after a long time of wanting something and after hard work, when you finally reach the part where you get what you want, everything vanishes. Not vanish in a way that the work you did paid off, but more like, after all your attempts, failures and then getting back up, all you can think of is 'is this really it? This is what I longed for?'. It is that kind of vanishing.
I mean it happens, the fact that we are human and we never get satisfied of what we have. As a kid, I'd want a new gaming console and five games with it, I begged and begged. I proved my parents I earn it, but oh wait! When I finally got it, I barely touched it, I played it for a full day and left it to dust.

Back to what I've been saying, it's also not always your nature to not be satisfied. Say you want to know and meet someone so bad. Say he's a friend of your friend, and you've just met over the web and you guys just have awesome conversations. Say that. As soon as the day comes and you are to meet that friend, you are hyped. But then, oh this gets better, then he turns out to be the most arrogant, oblivious, and unhelpful person you know in person, where all your wants and longings to know a person in person just disappears.

A colossal significance that have motored you to your hopes and the wishful thinking of having someone new in your life and that he or she would have a big impact if you really know them in person just gone poof. Into thin air.

Ideas cannot die.

It has been a while since I've added company in this blog. Believe me this is alive! Not dormant, no, I can't let that.

This is not a proper post, it's just here to fill in the space for a lost idea. I had one, this golden, well structured (in my head at least) idealistic expression where it would have covered a lot of current situation but I lost it. So I'm here to mourn this idea, because the strongest weapon anyone can have is an idea, and why is it the strongest? Because ideas cannot die. Ideas can be created from the simplest of scratch.

Here's to lost ideas, and to avoid any more. Remember to note down, physically, ideas you have.

Here's to lost ideas.

Here's to the survivors.

There are times I really don't think I will ever make it. I have no idea what keeps me going. No, no... I know what keeps me going; Faith.

There are times, I think I'll  never be committed to anything. There are also times I get proven wrong. I know the many conflicts out there, the cases needs to be taken care of. The famine, the wars, the massacres. There are also people who are against it, gets the world to be aware of it. For me, that is enough, I shall not get myself in their game, for I will only make it worse. I care for them, but I cannot just commit. There's one thing I currently am committed to, or at least for the past several years. The link of suicide to bullying. Now for those who know me, it's not a surprise, I have made outcries (personal, and limited) about these happenings. I admit I do cry myself thinking about them. Those who fell victim. Who are victims.
The latest case was (or is?) Amanda Todd. Canadian teen. My age roughly. She ended her life a few days ago, 10th October. This is just a post dedicated to her. Specifically to her, but also to everyone else out there, victims of society. Everyone out there who are still surviving and battling against society. She ended her life, and I know I can't go back in time and fix that, what I can is prevent future happenings. The dam will break one day. To everyone out there, I care. To everyone out there, stay strong. To everyone out there (and to Amanda) you are (were) not alone.
Her death isn't for us to mourn longingly, but for us to show the world that we are strong to hold on.

Rest in peace Amanda.