The interlacing law of life. (Part 1)

This is a new thing, I just thought I can write something about the different aspects of life and how the commodity sees it. How will I start it, you may ask? Well, start from the beginning of you, or anyone; the past. Haven't you just had enough of people telling you 'leave the past, there's a future'? Well I have, I've heard the phrase being said so much that I became sick of it.

The past in itself, relates to our memories in past times. These memories can bring smiles so wide out of nowhere, they were your most treasured happy memories, or they can bring the worse of you out, your regretted ones. In any way, these are memories, some forgotten, some remembered till the end. This is an aspect where, what happened before affects what happens now, and what will happen.

Back to not dwelling on the past, I cannot say that people who says that are actually wrong, but I can say that most of them don't even believe it. Without a past, there is no future. Just like; without wrongs, there are no rights. When someone tells me that I should just forget the past and move on, it's almost literally like saying 'Forget you have a left arm, it's useless' I mean, I'm right-handed, but I use my left for support when carrying objects, am I not right? You see, these are the views where people have missed. The views that people look down on. Every past will lead to a future. What happens in the future, really, isn't only affected by the past, but by the present, now you'll be thinking, what could've happened if you weren't reading this, right?

You are you, You lead your life, You make choices, You were born you, and will die as you.

The War within ourselves.

I don't exactly know where this is going to go, but a thought just skimmed my head; "The eye, brain and heart will never, ever make peace." At first, I just didn't understand, and probably still don't. What I know is that, in this context, the heart, of course is the emotions; the brain, as the power of will, or courage in a way; and the eye as the perspective, opinion, or may I say, judge the world.

Let's take the opposite gender, just because its such an easy example. Have you ever been in a position where you like this person, they're perfect to you, but you just think, its not even right? or where you have no affectionate feeling for this person, they're not that special, but you think, they're just perfect? or you like them, you have no objection against this person, but it's just not right? You gotta have said yes to at least one of those, if not all, right?

Us, as teenagers, have certain nights where we contemplate a lot of things in life, or on a daily basis, the day that we've just went through. There are probably events in which you really felt good about, with the people you're happy with, but logically, it's just not right, that part of the head where you think; 'that's not me!' or 'that's not how I'm supposed to be'. Maybe, just basically where you did something, no problem, but then you think again, you regret doing that? Yes, I guessed so.

These are periods of times where there's so much conflict in your head, it's hard to think. These are periods of time where your emotions (heart) contemplates one thing, and your mind (brain) contemplates another thing. These are times, where you balance out your actions, with your after-feelings, whether its regret, excitement, joy, rage, depression, in fact, any kind of emotions. These times, where you've have concluded your affection towards the specific events, are the times where you've calmly (or violently, your call) defined what you have done, what's your opinion on it, and what you should have done, or what you gladly didn't do.

You wake up the next morning, exhausted or not, feeling free of the previous day for the first 5 minutes before it all comes back down again. You get up and you think, what a night, or, what a day! Then the memories gets you thinking, what if something else happens today? what am I supposed to do? Should I choose the same decision, or should I try another one? This is probably an interlacing effect where it will never stop for the rest of your life, but, yes there's a but, if every night, or if you can do these split-second decisions about our actions, you will be able to live with no regrets. Live your life along with these conflicts and peace in your body, without regrets. Peacefully.

When a mirror of you talks back.

If you notice, all my post's title relate to the text, right?

Well here's the thing, I was watching this series, Lie To Me. It's all about deceptive techniques and all, and a patient suffers from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). It's nothing, I don't have it or anything, but it'll mean a lot in this post. okay, here we go.

So here's the thing, once in a while, have you looked at someone, and think, 'is that how other people view me?'. Well I have, several times. Not all occurrence were a negative viewpoint, I mean everyone, as pessimistic and masochistic people can be, they see good in themselves right? Here, I just want to relate, how it is to see yourself in someone else's eye.

I'm not really sure how this is gonna go, but I'm trying my best to put them into words. That episode of Lie To Me was about a soldier, who's given a silver star for bravery, but he almost killed his son at 12 am, out of a panic and paranoid episode. (episode in the context of 'period' or like 'panic attack') They try to find out what's making him have these attacks, when he's supposed to be happy with his star, and safe home with his family.

The deception expert group tried to re-enact the events that happened last on the battlefield, instead of helping the soldier, they trigger various attacks. breakdowns, flashbacks, panic, paranoid, anxiety. You name it.

On a smaller scale, this is how I see myself, neutrally. I don't think it really is negative. These flashbacks, which then triggers breakdowns. The soldier almost killed his son with a gun. I'm pretty lucky I don't own a gun, and lock myself at night, but, trust me, these scenes, are not fake re-enactments in movies. they happen ferreal.

Out of that in the way, you see, breakdowns, they're not what people think, emotionally. Yes, they emotionally hurt you, tears, rage, fear. But it affects physically. These episodes (once again about attacks, not series) can leave you with unbearable pain. Last time I had it, it was as painful as crashing to an asteroid. Cramps, headache, and un-controlled self-inflicted actions. Last time I had it, it was triggered by a simple, happy flashback. Last time I had it, I was on the edge, literally speaking. Pain.

What changes a man, changes a man back.

I think we all know the damned common phrase "People change". We are all fully aware of it, directly, or not we are affected by it. What is it that changes a person? This question is uncommon, because we usually shrug it off and be biased saying, "He changed, not me". Or “She did”

Here's the thing, are we sure only one party change? Why don't we ask ourselves, did we change ourselves? I mean, surely if people can change, so can we. Either by how we want a particular person to be, or we just change to adapt to something we’re not used to; like moving places, making new people. Sometimes we don’t even notice that we’ve changed. So do we still think it’s only ‘him/her’ that changed?

No. let’s take one simple situation, you’ve had differences with your best friend, and now you barely talk. What happened was, you had an opinion, ad your friend the exact opposite opinion, and you guys argue about it. Now the question is whose fault? It’s ambiguous right?

Now, when you’re aware of the amount of changes happening everyday around you, you’ll be aware of changes in people close to you, or even yourself. At times or another, you’ll be criticized saying you’ve changed, and then trying too hard to change back just to make it worse.

Until this point, you’re thinking this post don’t make sense, and you’ll think you won’t understand, but one day, it’ll happen to you, and you’ll get it.

Anyway, well now you’ve tried changing yourself back everything comes crashing down and from bare talks to no talking at all. It’ll happen, some can be changed back, some can’t. but not permanently.

In fact, these little changes are daily impacts on us that we may shrug it off, but then think about it and get all stressed out about it. You’ll be asking, why is the title so irrelevant, point is, whatever changes you, then that exact same thing WILL change you again, either back to who you were (yes its possible) or to something you never thought you can ever be, in both perspective, positive and/or negative.

"First love never dies"

So, I was in a discussion with a friend, and we hit that subject, something about love, and she asked me an opinion on it, and now, I'm going to write what I think of it.

'First love never dies' some of us have heard this some time in our lives right? from anywhere, a book, movies, anything. well anyway, i think it's true, first love, or the feeling towards first love will never die, in the case that, it actually was love.

Well, okay, if you're in your teens, you've come across a crush or maybe a relationship. Break-ups happen right? even if it was a 'perfect' match, it happens. So, as much time as it takes, if you don't go back, you'll move on eventually, and maybe forget, that's bad, but if not, then just moved on. Be honest, after moving on, you'd actually still have feeling towards that person, or who they were at the time. So what happens next?

Well, most of us would, in nature of humans, find a replacement right? now here where it starts, you'd probably still frequently think of that, first person you loved. So you're probably looking for someone who's LIKE them or SIMILAR to them. Well, if you don't get it, read it again.. because that 'first love' never died, you're looking for a NEW her, or him right? you'll alway look for someone who acts like that first one, who talks, who likes, who looks like that first one.

Okay I said well a lot, so, here it goes, now that you know what I think, I don't know about your opinion or maybe you don't believe it happens, maybe when someone moves one, they forget, but that' your opinion, and I can totally understand and am not against it, so thanks for reading! :D

What is love, and why is it?

So this is a text I wrote about the belief people have towards 'love' some people believe in it, some, may not. I thank these two people who had the conversation (i won't mention names, this is the internet.) or may I say argument (?) about it, and it inspired me to write this.

First things first, what exactly do people mean by 'love'? Well, it really is the same as 'like'. It's the feeling of attraction. When you say you 'like' something, you're, in a way, attracted to it. It can apply to anything, doesn't have to be a person. You like food. You like shopping. You like watching TV. You like sports. You name it...

On the other hand, I think this articles is focused on the attraction towards others, towards another specific one being. The opposite gender.

Then the topic of relationship comes in. Love. Falling in love. Love at first sight. Now, a lot of people are in a relationship because they 'fall in love'. The question is, do they know what love really is? Some people just do it for the sake of being in a relationship, or because their friends have a relationship, they don't want to be alone.

Anyway, back to the topic of discussion, does love exist? Personally, I think it does exist, to everyone, but then comes if it is mutual, I still believe it does, but only if it's mutual. Love at first sight? No, I don't believe in it, it's just stupid.

Okay, maybe love at first sight do exist, but its next to nothing, I'm not saying only 'chosen' people get it, I mean out of 7 billion people, you can't just meet your love of your life out of nowhere. Love has its sciences, or as we commonly know it as, chemistry between two people.

Love. It really is a strong word, and specifically, like I mentioned before, we're talking love in a relationship or towards a specific person. Why or how we fall in love? I don't know, that's just what we personally feel.

So, I've said before, this article was inspired after two friends of mine had the conversation, or "tweetation"? It was within two sides, one who believed that love do not exist, or that it only apply to lucky people, and the other one was that, love do exist, even if it is not mutual.

There are no wrongs, both side has it's rights, but we'll look at it from a neutral perspective, or maybe you guys can say from my personal perspective. yeah, don't judge.

If only lucky people fall in love, does that make God choosy about who will meet their love, and out of more than half-a-dozen billion people only these 'lucky' people can feel the real feeling of love? No, right? I don't think so too. There's not really, lets say, 'perfect matches', that out of almost 7 billion people there's only one perfect person for you.

As much as I believe love exists, I think that it's by the finding the right person with similarities, to you and someone you can relate to, and then making him/her perfect for you. So in short, it can be anyone. The guy/girl next door, or the guy/girl across the country.

And let's remember, love is not all about looks, or the background of a person, or race. It's about who they really are. deep inside, their personality.

On the other hand, I think I already brushed the topic in the previous paragraph(s) by saying 'making him/her perfect for you'. But if love isn't mutual then it's nothing. Yes you're attracted towards a person, but it just doesn't work. It's still in the 'law of attraction' (quoted; The Secret to Teen Power-Paul Harrington)

I mean, if feelings are not mutual, it will be disastrous. it's not love at all, it's just attraction. Out of topic, imagine a president and his military-in-charge. The President wants to conquer a country by war but the military-in-charge (still feels the same way) only wants to spy the country, no harm done. They'll get themselves in deep argument that may lead to a conflict between the two, then a civil war. So personally, I don't think non-mutual feelings can be described as 'love towards a person', but of course, your opinion matters.

So, love do exist. I don't think anyone will disagree after this, and it applies to everyone out there, everyone. No race, background, or origin can prevent anyone 'falling in love'.

of course this argument or belief do not apply to those who change partners as often as they change their clothes, I mean that's just ridiculous.

With love comes great responsibility. (Yes I copied that from a quote)

Consequences like heartbreak; betrayal, loss, hopeless. This may as well happen, as much as we made that particular person 'perfect'. As I said, love isn't just with 'that one special person'. You may not be really clutched with the first person, and then change one after another. but certainly still your choice of person.

I mean one person to one person is not like a puzzle piece that can only be put around 2, 3, 4 or maybe only one other piece. I think it's more like a rubix cube. There are 8 other colours that are the same to you. You maybe alone surrounded by other colours(people) or you can be sticking with one or two other same-colour pieces, but then the cube revolves and you're in a different position. and it will be really difficult to actually make it up to all 9 of you together, then really finding out who's next to you.

For what I lost is what I loved the most.

This was a sonnet I made for an English class.

Dew in the morning are like tears dropping

You left me with none, empty promise

You beautiful thing beat the stars shining

You shine brighter, than the summer solstice

You and I can start a new adventure

whatever we left behind was the past

this time, our relationship will be sure

our love will live forever at last

I feel this as true, but you have no clue

then will you care to join me under the rain

count the drops; that's as much as I love you

We will devote ourselves, like clothe with no stain

We've no doubts and are peaceful as white doves

those who ask will believe in real true love

A sonnet, if you didn't know, is about something you like/love, or anything to do with that, well this is one I made.

When there's a comeback.

I know this is only the second post, and the gap between the first post is 4 months, I haven't been updating much.

Well, there have been a lot to tell. I don't know where to start.

I don't know, let's start when I started being careless about the world, I wasn't depressed I tell you, I just stopped caring about anything. Let's see, I started ignoring school work, ignore some people, ignore almost everything. I know I'm stuck-up of the past, but I'm really scared to let it go.

Anyway, I'm back now, whoever reads this, I hope you won't judge, and would just understand how the world around us is, it's not perfect. When you're with friends, take a break and look around your friends for a while, do you think they're all really happy, maybe even after they came out before. Think again.

Not long ago, I got to know this person, she told me I remind herself of..well, herself, because on a social website, my statuses are well, depressed. So she told me, that if I ever need help, she's good with advices, so I did the same. After that, we got to know each other, and so on.
This event taught me that, the world's a big place, and there are a lot, and when I mean a lot, millions of them, that are not genuinely happy. And I kept thinking, I like her, because she's been strong all this time and never gave up. for her strength, her will to go on.

And that's when I came to my senses, I used to be the guy with advices, but ending up as the one who needs support and advices. now I'm probably in between. dead in the inside.

So here's the thing, never judge a person because of who they really are, love them for it, you never know why they became like that, in this case, damaged. hurt.

I'm going out there, show society there's someone who can beat it, and make the world a better place to live.

What do we know about this world?

we all know the word depressed. Do we know it's around us? Do we know what it's doing to people around us?

last night, I had the worst breakdown in the past few months. I had the urge to jump off my roof and end it at that moment. I didn't know what stopped me, but I didn't jump. Believe you me, I would have jumped if not for the thousands other depressed people. I want to help them through theirs.

When I was relieved, I had a thought, why not write something about depression? This is what I'm doing. I forgot what I wanted to put, but I'm just writing this naturally. unplanned, and all out of my head as it goes.Writing relieves me.

Here's a question, Do we know when people are depressed? answer's no. unless they come out.

I did, last year. not what I expected, but I did. I have to be honest, I've had breakdowns, as far as I can remember, since I was 5. I couldn't control my emotions at times...

I'm out of topic.

Lets put it this way, depression are thought to be an attract-attention-act. trust me, it's not. I've been there, still is probably. the first time depressed people come out, they want help. why can't we just help them? not attention seeking. After what I did, I'm closing up again.

There are people who cares. there are. It's just not enough in this world. They either care naturally, or they're at the same state (Meaning they're also depressed). I've had others come to me saying they've felt the same, so I helped them out, sometimes being a hypocrite.

Lets start off with signs of depression. I read a book once, one of the signs that someone's depressed is the change of appearance. Cut their hair? different types of clothing? These kinds of stuff. I think it's true, but not as a big factor, other people just wants to change. The other, most obvious sign is self-harming. Lets face, people that are depressed are suicidal, but others, isn't. NSSI, short for Non-suicidal Self Injury. this not uncommon. I've done it to be honest, to an extent that I even regret.

Self-harming isn't attention-seeking. tell me if, before people come out, do you really think they haven't done it before? You'd ask "isn't it painful?" or "doesn't it hurt?". compared to the pain the depression's pressuring the people, it isn't.

People sometimes shrug off the fact someone they know is depressed. don't. ever. I did that, it costed me dearly. half a life. So starting from today, lets stop stereotyping people with depression, or what is it you society call them? "emo" is it? don't.

Open up an accepting world for those people.