When a mirror of you talks back.

If you notice, all my post's title relate to the text, right?

Well here's the thing, I was watching this series, Lie To Me. It's all about deceptive techniques and all, and a patient suffers from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). It's nothing, I don't have it or anything, but it'll mean a lot in this post. okay, here we go.

So here's the thing, once in a while, have you looked at someone, and think, 'is that how other people view me?'. Well I have, several times. Not all occurrence were a negative viewpoint, I mean everyone, as pessimistic and masochistic people can be, they see good in themselves right? Here, I just want to relate, how it is to see yourself in someone else's eye.

I'm not really sure how this is gonna go, but I'm trying my best to put them into words. That episode of Lie To Me was about a soldier, who's given a silver star for bravery, but he almost killed his son at 12 am, out of a panic and paranoid episode. (episode in the context of 'period' or like 'panic attack') They try to find out what's making him have these attacks, when he's supposed to be happy with his star, and safe home with his family.

The deception expert group tried to re-enact the events that happened last on the battlefield, instead of helping the soldier, they trigger various attacks. breakdowns, flashbacks, panic, paranoid, anxiety. You name it.

On a smaller scale, this is how I see myself, neutrally. I don't think it really is negative. These flashbacks, which then triggers breakdowns. The soldier almost killed his son with a gun. I'm pretty lucky I don't own a gun, and lock myself at night, but, trust me, these scenes, are not fake re-enactments in movies. they happen ferreal.

Out of that in the way, you see, breakdowns, they're not what people think, emotionally. Yes, they emotionally hurt you, tears, rage, fear. But it affects physically. These episodes (once again about attacks, not series) can leave you with unbearable pain. Last time I had it, it was as painful as crashing to an asteroid. Cramps, headache, and un-controlled self-inflicted actions. Last time I had it, it was triggered by a simple, happy flashback. Last time I had it, I was on the edge, literally speaking. Pain.